To sleep, perchance to dream
by Bellemaine Chercoeur
Summary: AU short drabbleish vignette... Yuuri thinks about Wolfram and what he means to him. Angst, angst, some more angst and possibly weeping. AU I have not yet seen the series end, and I have not been reading spoilers, so this is a what if scenario....


He really does have beautiful hair. Like sunshine. All yellow and gold, and curly. I shudder to think what my mother would have done to me if I had these curls. I mean the dress and the pigtails were bad enough, but if I had golden curls as well… Oni-Chan would have needed to carry me around with him to protect me!

It is beautiful hair. It's soft as well, and the curls feel smooth under my fingers. Once, and only once, a long time ago, I dared to touch his hair. I waited until he was asleep, because I wanted to see if it was as soft and shiny as it looked. It is. It shines and shimmers in the sunlight, like…well…silk I suppose. Onii-chan read me a story once, where there was a beautiful young girl whose hair was spun into gold, when they ran out of straw. Or something. I forget exactly, but if New Makoku ever runs out of money, we can always fill the treasury with gold spun from his hair. Of course, he will object, but, if its for New Makoku.. If I ask him to…

Yes. Sunshine and gold. And his skin is soft too. Smooth and pale like cream. Except when he's angry and then he flushes bright red. I can always tell when he is angry with me. The skin on his cheekbones flushes red. A different red to the red they are now. Normally when he blushes, his skin gets hot as well. My fingers move from his hair to his face. His cheeks are cold. There is no warmth in that red splash of colour.

His eyes are closed, and I want to shake him awake, to see those green eyes staring up at me, his lip curling and his immediate accusation of "wimp". His eyes are so very very green, emerald green like..like..like the city of Oz from that old movie. They always seem greener to me when he wears his uniform. I could never figure out why his uniform is blue and not green. I mean the green uniform that Gwendal wears would have brought out his eyes even more. Not that I do not like the blue uniform he wears. It does suit him. The gold epaulettes on his shoulders match his hair, but the blue does not match his eyes. While the red, the red matches the…

"Yuuri."

I should really try to wake him up now. He needs to wake up, because if he is still asleep when everyone gets here, he will be embarrassed later. There will be more red on his cheeks and… No. Do not think about the red.

"Yuuri."

If I try really really really hard, I can pretend that Konrad is not standing beside me. He wants me to talk to him, to listen to him, but something inside me knows that I must not. He won't go away. Wolfram, wake up. You must wake up now.

"Heika."

The blush on his cheeks is spreading. I can feel it under my fingers, the red slips and slides as I run my fingers over his cheekbones. Wolfram's cheeks are wet now like my own.

I finally turn my head to look up at Konrad. I wish I had not, as his eyes are terrible. They make my chest ache even more. I shake Wolfram again. He needs to wake up, so Konrad does not look so hurt anymore.

Konrad reaches down and grasps my left wrist in his hand. He is strong, much stronger than I am, yet I still manage to pull my hand away.

"Yuuri, we must leave, it is not safe here." His voice sounds so far away, and I know his words make sense, but I still shake my head.

"I cannot leave him, Konrad. I cannot."

Konrad kneels beside me, and I feel his hands on my shoulders, warm and solid and real. "You will not have to Yuuri. There is a cart. You just need to get into the cart. I'll look after everything else, I promise."

I nod, and gather Wolfram into a huge bear hug. It's just as well he has not grown as tall as Gwendal, or I would have dropped him. Konrad stays beside me, ready to catch him if he falls. He does not, and I leave him in Konrad's care as I climb into the cart. I settle myself in the tray, and someone, Gunter I think, wraps something around me. Konrad lifts Wolfram into the cart, and into my waiting arms, and I cuddle him in my lap, his head resting on my shoulder.

Konrad's hands are red. I look down and realise that Gunter has wrapped his cloak around us, and I see the stain spreading on the immaculate white.

Gunter clutches Konrad's arm, and they are both looking at me. Waiting. I don't know what to say, what to tell them, what to ask for. Finally, I say the only thing that is ringing in my mind, the only thing that keeps getting louder, demanding to know the answer.

I look down at Wolfram, at the blood soaking the front of his uniform, the red sprayed over his cheeks and on his hair. The blood that cakes my hands and face and chest, that pools beneath us, stains Gunter's cloak, drips from Konrad's hands. His eyes are closed, and although I would give anything to have him glare at me just one more time, I am so very glad that I do not have to look into his unseeing gaze.

The first sob tears into my throat and I force the question out of my mouth. "What am I going to do, Konrad? What am I going to do without him?"

Konrad pressed the back of one bloody wrist to his mouth, and although the words are muffled, I recognise the ache in his answer. "I don't know Yuuri. I don't know what we are going to do."

Gunter places a hand in the small of his back, and pushes Konrad towards the cart. Meekly, Konrad follows us into the cart, and I dimly realise that we have started moving. Gunter is barking orders, and as we start to pick up speed, I feel tears falling down my cheeks again. I am not sure that they ever stopped.

Konrad crawls towards us, losing his balance as the cart lurches, and then he is there. He enfolds us both in a hug, and for one crazy shining moment I hope everything will be fine. I wait for Wolfram to wake up, to open his eyes and snap at me. He lies limp in my arms, his cheek cold against mine. He will never wake up. My Wolfram is gone. He has left me. He has left us. The one shining moment gutters and dies, and I know that I will never wake up from this nightmare, that Wolfram is gone, that things will never be the same again. I know this for certain, because I can hear Konrad weeping behind me.


End file.
